January 12

I haven’t written in a couple days.  I worked a ten hour shift that started at 2am the other day and then yesterday they used my on-call, which they almost never do.  That’s okay; I can always use the hours.  There is nothing terribly interesting going on and the job search is stagnant right now.  I’m here bewildered at just how I’m going to get out of this slump.  I don’t see the way out which leaves me with only the ability to trust in God.  These days I am walking through an unlighted tunnel, not even a crack in the stone, so I am feeling my way along the wall and relying on God that I’m moving forward and not walking on active train tracks.  These days seem small and insignificant, so I think I will switch my focus and write what I am thankful for.  

I am thankful for the ability to knit.  It keeps my hands busy and stimulates my brain.  I love to watch things turn from a strand of yarn into something decorative and wearable.  It reminds me of the process of turning a blank piece of paper into an intricate work of art.  I am thankful to have access to great documentaries on Netflix.  The ability to still learn about new things when I have such limited funds is a blessing.  I am thankful for the Bible because reading it is such a rich experience and I love the picture it gives me into the people of God and of God herself.  The Psalms are beautiful.  I am thankful that far from being a crutch, my religion shows me a much more hopeful and less despairing understanding of humanity and life than the selfish and lifeless picture of human kind in Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead which I am reading right now, a particularly interesting sentiment considering the atheistic bent of that book.  Though I have a great desire to move away and will do so as soon as possible, every time I ride the MAX over the Steel Bridge over the Willamette, I am so thankful to be in and from a city through which a river runs.  It is so beautiful, especially when the sun is beginning to set and shines its rich, warm light over the bridges. I am thankful to have spent time with my friend, Amalija, this week and thankful that she has moved into Portland for the next couple months.  I am thankful for the small exchanges of conversation I have sometimes over gmail with my good friend Marilyn.

And I am thankful for the opportunity today to go to chapel at Warner Pacific.  It has been awhile.