March 21, blah

I constantly think about writing on my blog.  I have even started a number of posts only to stop with the intention of getting back to them, but in the end, they are left abandoned.  My life is in a lot of flux, but nothing of meaning to me is happening.  I spent five years learning and working toward something I was passionate for, but while those five years gave me a lot of academic experience, I finished without the on-the-ground, real-world experience to actually get me the kind of job I would enjoy.  Instead, I ended up back on the other side of the country camping out at my parents' house indefinitely.  These days I'm living in the netherworld.  I don't know how long I'll be here.  I don't know what it will take to get out.  It's foggy and I can't really see what's going on or what's ahead. I'm working a job my heart is not in and that is really hard for me.  I want so badly to do something I love.

Today, I feel utterly miserable.  Just being honest.  While I would chalk part of that up to my current walk through a wilderness I can't figure out how to navigate, I think I can chalk a lot more of it up to the absolutely miserable weather we are having!  In some parts of western Oregon it snowed quite a bit ("quite a bit" being relative) today; in other parts, it dusted.  But here in Portland it was just freezing cold and raining the entire day.  It has been dreary for the last week and a half straight with only a few days of sun preceding that, before which was another long stretch of cold misery, and it's killing my spirit .  If we don't get some good sunshine soon, I'm going to waste away to a listless, soulless nothing.  This kind of weather didn't used to bother me so much.  These days, though, it makes me tired of simply existing.